I Shall Mourn no More
by sheikgohanfreak
Summary: This takes place a few months after the fight with Cell. Gohan is sad about his father's death and thinks it's his fault. Can he realize the truth?


I sat under the old tree that I had sat under for so many years without a care in the world. A place where I could be happy. A place where I could rest. But I wasn't resting or caressing in my joys, no. Nowhere near it. I was mourning. Mourning for a death that was my fault.  
  
It should have been me. The memory still replays in my mind over and over. It was haunting me. Like a ghost. A ghost that would never go away. It's also in my dreams. I dream the same nightmare every night. It never goes away. I can never escape.  
  
Why didn't he want to come back? That's something I'll never know.  
  
My mother called me to come back to the house, but I didn't want to. I did it anyway. She looked at my depressed face and told me that I should go on with life. Not to forget, just to go on. I didn't think that I could ever go on.  
  
I went upstairs and sat down at my desk and started to draw. Some of my drawings were pinned up on my wall. The rest were private. It was a way to express my feelings, I guess. I started to sketch lightly as  
  
I thought about what my baby sibling would look like. I imagined that he would look exactly like my father. I wonder if he will be like me, I thought.  
  
My mother, just then, called me down to lunch. I sketched till a stopping point and went downstairs. I was quiet during my lunch. My mother doesn't eat much, except for now, because of the baby she carries. We had decided on a name for my baby sibling. It was Goten. I thought it was a pretty good name. It sounded like my father's.  
  
I cleared my plate as my mother told me to go study. I didn't like to study for a long time, but at least it kept my mind off things. I worked my way through my studies until it was time for dinner. I went downstairs and sat down at the dinner table. Mother served the food up and I started to eat. Again, I was very quiet.  
  
"You're so quiet." my mother said.  
  
"Yes.I know," I answered.  
  
I finished quickly and went upstairs. I started to finish the drawing that I was sketching earlier. It was a sketch of the Dragon Balls. I sighed and looked at my bedside dresser. It was twelve o'clock at night already. I guess I had worked on it for a few hours, because I swore it had only been a few minutes.  
  
Maybe I was going crazy.  
  
Maybe I would never be the same.  
  
These possibilities raced through my mind and became questions as I laid myself down to go to sleep. I finally fell asleep a few hours later.  
  
The next day I sparred with Vegeta. Even though I didn't like being around him, it was a way to get my anger out. He told me that I was a disgrace. I really didn't care. I shouted insults and him and told him to shut up. I just let all of it out on him. Deep down, I think he really felt sorry for me. I think this was his way of helping me through this. But hell, what did I know? I was going crazy.  
  
I went home and didn't bother to eat lunch. I just went upstairs and locked myself in my room. I studied for a long time, hoping it would take my mind off of everything. I did that day's and the next day's bit of studies. I spent the rest of my day locked up in my room.  
  
I watched the rain as it pounded on the outside of my window until the smooth rhythm rocked me to sleep. I had such awful dreams. I think they were trying to tell me something.  
  
There was fire.so much fire. There were evil shadows grabbing for me and taunting me.  
  
It felt like hell.  
  
It was hell.  
  
I continued to travel on in the hellish world. I stopped when something came at me. It screeched at me as it came flying headfirst. I tried to dodge it but I couldn't move. It scratched and clawed at me as I struggled for air. I didn't think it would stop until it killed me.  
  
I finally found the strength to jump up and run. I ran fast. I ran until I could run no more. I came to a halt when I was at the edge of a cliff. The creature ran up behind me and shoved me off into the bottomless pit of pitch blackness.  
  
I fell.  
  
I let myself fall.  
  
I let myself fall, for the darkness absorbed me until I could see the hellish fired no more.  
  
"Gohan.it's okay.I'm here.It wasn't your fault. I love you." I heard my father say.  
  
"I love you, too." I said.  
  
Even though I don't thin he hear me, I said it again.  
  
The darkness went away and peace was in the atmosphere. I found myself in a field with one big tree in the middle. I walked toward the tree and sat under it.  
  
I was happy.  
  
There I would rest, forever in my dreams, and mourn no more. 


End file.
